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There is a fine balance between what is in my heart that I want to share and what you need for your journey. I question and ponder until those two overlap and can share that overlap.
Here’s my overlap today…
Women with PMDD go through a point each month in which behaviors are very “addict” like. What does this mean?
Well, our frontal lobe is the rational decision making and emotional regulation area of our brain. During PMDD episodes (usually around days 13-15 and 23-28 or a female cycle) the frontal lobe checks out. The cause is unknown to why this happens but it is like neurotransmitters to not make it past that synapse. Either way, it happens and the frontal lobe becomes a mass of lazy tissue for lack of a better explanation.
Because of this, our Limbic system then takes over or at least most to solo operation mode… this is the emotion and hormone driven area of the brain (to simplify). That need for a dopamine hit overrides everything.
This can lead, as I am sure you can deduct already, to behaviors and decisions that aren’t in line with a true, whole self. Usually compulsiveness in myriads of ways – from emotional outbursts to binge eating of junk foods to frantic cleaning of house and home to overspending. It has been related to me like someone being addicted to drugs, alcohol or pronography. Ever had those insatiable cravings for anything? Oreos? Oh the whole sleeve? Oh just one more? Ugh, might as well finish the whole package. Sound familiar?
Now, for me, I really dislike being placed with those kinds of people. Why? I am not addicted to anything via choices I made and I didn’t choose to have PMDD, but being honest, my actions, left unchecked, will show the same behaviors 100%.
In the Book of Mormon (a book of scripture in my religion), there is a passage that says “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Ether 12:27
Why do we have weakness? Weakness requires us to reach out to other people, rely on a higher being/plan, and to help us grow into our full, truest self. Not that I want to have a weakness or anything. I am super independent, full of determination, and excellence… those don’t line up with being weak in any area.
But having weakness requires us to surrender and accept. To work with it, not against it. PMDD won’t magically disappear as I prayed for so long.
How do I, and you, work with PMDD?
I tell you, it is SO painful to come out on the other side of a PMDD week and realize you have to start back at square one and even to deal with the consequences of my simply stupid choices — like the stomach ache, 5lbs, lethargy and bloat from ALL the sweets I could get my hands on. Yikes. So as much as I don’t want to, I do need a plan to manage symptoms. So do you!
A successful plan requires three things —
- Help
- Spirituality
- Strategies
First, help.
Help is hard. Yep. Mic drop. LOL.
Ask for help from trusted sources – family, friends, therapist, doctors, etc.
Having a conversation with my hubby and kids and laying out the help I needed from them was not easy the first time. In fact, my hubby and I went to bed on opposite sides that first time. But with practice, it has become routine and a bit easier at times. I have more courage through taking accountability instead of avoiding and expecting.
Every month before my luteal phase I tell them next week I won’t feel good. Then I ask my kids and hubby for help to keep things extra clean, make dinners, and pretty much take care of eachother. Also, that instead of always relying on mom, there is a dad home (especially on weekends).
I’ve also asked friends to take my kids for a couple of hours to allow me to have quiet time and peace. And, yes, I have asked technology to give me some quiet time too 🙂 Either way, asking can be hard but if you don’t ask, the answer is always NO.
Second is spirituality. Another word could be the value of faith. This is a belief that there is a plan for you and that there are powers or a being who can see the whole picture. That all will workout for your good. You can find this helpful by connecting to those powers. That may be yoga, scripture reading, meditation, getting out in the mountains, etc.
Finally we hit strategies. This gets the biggest portion from me today. Probably because it is what I am working on.
You MUST plan and prepare these strategies BEFORE you hit your PMDD days or any sort of issue you want to work on, right? This is so applicable to more than just PMDD.
Get out a piece of paper and fill out the following strategies. I have included some prompt questions and examples to get you thinking.
- Goals
- Make a list of goals you want to accomplish when you come out of your week or past your trigger time. Examples could be:
- Staying the same weight
- Not going into CC debt
- Staying off of social media
- Make a list of goals you want to accomplish when you come out of your week or past your trigger time. Examples could be:
- Restriction Strategies
- These are strategies of abstinence. Not even one. Nope. Not you.
- What do you need to remove from your vision and mind?
- What are your triggers?
- Credit card autofill?
- Leftover Halloween Candy?
- The weekly cookie shop email?
- Walking into the kitchen?
- Replacement Strategies
- What can you allow yourself instead?
- What behaviors does your higher self implement when the days are good?
- What can you do to be productive and useful to give you a sense of purpose?
- Call 4 friends
- Pre-packaged salads
- Some fresh berries for a snack
- A new book or class online for the time
- More exercise
- Walking on the treadmill while watching a movie
- Mindset Strategies
- Cravings of any kind can narrow your focus to all that you don’t have.
- How can you broaden your view to bring peace and settling?
- Any practice of gratitude
- Move to what you have and not what you lack
- Look at good times in your life — chatbooks, phone images, etc?
- Structure Strategies
- Some people need to have structure to be able to keep their thinking clear. So weekends with a different schedule can put a wedge in your ability to stay true to your goals.
- What rituals and routines help you feel accomplished at the end of the day?
- Making your bed
- Exercising
- Getting ALL cleaned up
- A good breakfast for yourself
- I asked my hubby to not plan anything or ask anything of me on Saturdays until noon. This allows me to accomplish what my mind and body need to feel even just a bit more focused and better.
This paper is now your plan and now you can write out the next things you need to do in a preparation list.
This is my general list for each month and I tweak where needed.
Preparations:
- Remind my family days in advance and ask for help where needed
- Set goals for the week
- Tell my family those goals
- Have them check in with me often to see if I am staying strong
- Allow them to remind me about my goals
- Meal plan and prep snack boxes before day 23
- Find a good book or find a class to take
- Plan an artistic project to undertake
As you can kind of see, you want to create a space that you feel productive, useful, contributive, and peaceful during the luteal phase. You want to come out not needing to pick up shattered pieces and you want to feel dignified and accomplished that you made it through.
This may take practice to find what works and what balance you need for your family circumstances…. I mean, I’d like to just go to a resort for 5 days a month and have my own chef. But that isn’t in our cards right now…
This takes accountability and action NOW instead of waiting. It takes communication and preparation. It is hard work but really worth it. It may save your marriage, your relationships with your kids, and especially with yourself.
If you have any questions about this or would like to sort this out with help, I am happy to schedule a coaching call with you. Shoot me an inquiry at https://adagiofit.com/trainwithme/contact-us/