Pruning + Failure

Tonight I am sitting with a list of endeavors I am in the middle of, in front of me. I look at each one knowing the dreams, investments both of time and money, and potential of each one I have had.

What’s the problem then? Well, the problem is that I am an inch deep and miles wide instead of being a mile deep and an inch wide. I know being a multi-endeavor entrepreneur isn’t wrong. I have been a Jane of ALL trades my whole life. I know I can do each item on this list, but frankly I am burning out.

Maybe if COVID didn’t hit us this year I’d still be sailing along, but this year has kicked my trash. Hopefully I am not the only one, but I have not thrived or pivoted well. I have struggled to find my footing and purpose. Each endeavor has had massive roadblocks and misty roads.

So I am going to prune my growing tree. To be honest, it isn’t the cutting that I am worried about, it is the shame of what others will think about me and what I will hold against myself later. “Failure” is written all over the inside of my eyelids. 

I am afraid I will feel and be viewed as a failure to others and myself. 

We prune our fruit trees every November (fitting huh) to make sure that after a period of hibernation, our trees may flourish and stay healthy and fruitful. Guess what? Sometimes when we prune we don’t get a lot of fruit the next season. But two or three later? That’s when the reward comes. 

Pruning hurts and doesn’t feel or look good. I can just hear my trees griping because they are funny shaped, naked, and they worked so hard to grow that one ridiculously tall branch this year. I, too, feel that way when I am pruned… cut down to size, humbled, and naked. 

But to quote my hubby and my fave series right now, “This is the way.” It is something that must be done. 

So what do I kick off my plate? How do you determine what you drop off your plate? 

Some things I have looked at this week:

• Where can I have the deepest influence? – notice, not the widest influence. I’d rather leave a lasting impact on a few instead of a minor run in with many. 
• I love all that I am pursuing so the next question has been, during this flood of COVID and stress for me, which activity have I actually looked forward to and want to prepare for? Which ones do I find myself putting off or feeling anxious about? Maybe those procrastinating activities are not the activities I need to be in, maybe they are, but I am curious about defining how I feel about each one. 
• What have I felt pulled and drawn to by a higher power? I am a christian and rely heavily on the powers that be to guide my life. I don’t care who or what you believe in, you usually feel and are pushed in certain directions. I call these personal revelations. 
• What areas are the best for my family in this stage of life? My kids are still pretty young. I have some commitments I need to keep with them and my hubby that are taking a lot of my time this school year. Maybe next year it will be different or if we go to online schooling, but right now, I am committed. So I want to keep a balanced family life and career life…. That is HARD to do BTW. We are inundated with personal growth, self care, etc messages that I don’t feel successful if I am not growing my company or personal achievements. 
• So that brings me to another question of what is my priority? I can only have one. Hmm… family. That means for me that I am home when my kids are home and try not to have work hours during those times. That being said, I do have to work during those hours so how do I balance that? 
• Next, what are my values and guiding principles? These are characteristics of myself that no matter what route I take I will keep. However, there are some endeavors that favor those values and principles more easily than others. 
• Finally, what are my gut feelings? I don’t think that decisions can be good if you are not all on board. That means, for me, that sometimes I need to wait it out and float until decisions become apparent. So if there are people pushing me for a decision, it probably isn’t the right one unless I have the “hell yes!” answer right away. (“Brene Brown”ing again)

Think about your trees and what could be taken off and what needs more of your focus to grow. That is going to look different for everyone. Maybe you need to work on a weak area, maybe you need to keep the strong even stronger. 

I usually brain dump the areas that I am working on and all the smaller activities and pursuits that area is requiring. Then I can visually rework, cross out, or newly sketch my future. 

Well, hopefully this is something you can look at when you need to prune your tree. You interested in knowing which branches of mine stay? Me too, guys, me too.

And finally, other people’s percetions, comments, and reactions to your life decisions have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Do not let them sway you otherwise and stay strong in your answers. Which is WHY you MUST work these branches out for yourselves or you’ll end up with some dark magic branles that keep regrowing without your consent.

I’m always open to coaching your through these concepts I talk about. Shoot me an email clarissa@adagiofit.com if you want to set up a session with me on them.