Pruning + Failure

tree-crown-thinning - ArborCare
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Tonight I am sitting with a list of endeavors I am in the middle of, in front of me. I look at each one knowing the dreams, investments both of time and money, and potential of each one I have had.

What’s the problem then? Well, the problem is that I am an inch deep and miles wide instead of being a mile deep and an inch wide. I know being a multi-endeavor entrepreneur isn’t wrong. I have been a Jane of ALL trades my whole life. I know I can do each item on this list, but frankly I am burning out.

Maybe if COVID didn’t hit us this year I’d still be sailing along, but this year has kicked my trash. Hopefully I am not the only one, but I have not thrived or pivoted well. I have struggled to find my footing and purpose. Each endeavor has had massive roadblocks and misty roads.

So I am going to prune my growing tree. To be honest, it isn’t the cutting that I am worried about, it is the shame of what others will think about me and what I will hold against myself later. “Failure” is written all over the inside of my eyelids. 

I am afraid I will feel and be viewed as a failure to others and myself. 

We prune our fruit trees every November (fitting huh) to make sure that after a period of hibernation, our trees may flourish and stay healthy and fruitful. Guess what? Sometimes when we prune we don’t get a lot of fruit the next season. But two or three later? That’s when the reward comes. 

Pruning hurts and doesn’t feel or look good. I can just hear my trees griping because they are funny shaped, naked, and they worked so hard to grow that one ridiculously tall branch this year. I, too, feel that way when I am pruned… cut down to size, humbled, and naked. 

But to quote my hubby and my fave series right now, “This is the way.” It is something that must be done. 

So what do I kick off my plate? How do you determine what you drop off your plate? 

Some things I have looked at this week:

  • Where can I have the deepest influence? – notice, not the widest influence. I’d rather leave a lasting impact on a few instead of a minor run in with many. 
  • I love all that I am pursuing so the next question has been, during this flood of COVID and stress for me, which activity have I actually looked forward to and want to prepare for? Which ones do I find myself putting off or feeling anxious about? Maybe those procrastinating activities are not the activities I need to be in, maybe they are, but I am curious about defining how I feel about each one. 
  • What have I felt pulled and drawn to by a higher power? I am a christian and rely heavily on the powers that be to guide my life. I don’t care who or what you believe in, you usually feel and are pushed in certain directions. I call these personal revelations. 
  • What areas are the best for my family in this stage of life? My kids are still pretty young. I have some commitments I need to keep with them and my hubby that are taking a lot of my time this school year. Maybe next year it will be different or if we go to online schooling, but right now, I am committed. So I want to keep a balanced family life and career life…. That is HARD to do BTW. We are inundated with personal growth, self care, etc messages that I don’t feel successful if I am not growing my company or personal achievements. 
  • So that brings me to another question of what is my priority? I can only have one. Hmm… family. That means for me that I am home when my kids are home and try not to have work hours during those times. That being said, I do have to work during those hours so how do I balance that? 
  • Next, what are my values and guiding principles? These are characteristics of myself that no matter what route I take I will keep. However, there are some endeavors that favor those values and principles more easily than others. 
  • Finally, what are my gut feelings? I don’t think that decisions can be good if you are not all on board. That means, for me, that sometimes I need to wait it out and float until decisions become apparent. So if there are people pushing me for a decision, it probably isn’t the right one unless I have the “hell yes!” answer right away. (“Brene Brown”ing again)

Think about your trees and what could be taken off and what needs more of your focus to grow. That is going to look different for everyone. Maybe you need to work on a weak area, maybe you need to keep the strong even stronger. 

I usually brain dump the areas that I am working on and all the smaller activities and pursuits that area is requiring. Then I can visually rework, cross out, or newly sketch my future. 

Well, hopefully this is something you can look at when you need to prune your tree. You interested in knowing which branches of mine stay? Me too, guys, me too.

And finally, other people’s percetions, comments, and reactions to your life decisions have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Do not let them sway you otherwise and stay strong in your answers. Which is WHY you MUST work these branches out for yourselves or you’ll end up with some dark magic branles that keep regrowing without your consent.

I’m always open to coaching your through these concepts I talk about. Shoot me an email clarissa@adagiofit.com if you want to set up a session with me on them.

Don’t Be the Mantle Piece

art from improb.com

While working out today I listened to a podcast (what’s new) about art. The speaker was talking about how much art/visuals influence our lives and our perceptions about reality. 

He talked about how that can be good or bad for us. But something particular struck me and then shifted my whole perspective on what he was saying. Hear me out and I will link below to the podcast if you want to listen to it. 

He talked about how we portray events in art as our mind pictures them and not what really happened. That this can then distort others idea of what really happened. He specifically talks about President Washington praying in Heisman Trophy stance (you know what I am talking about) and how there isn’t really evidence that he even prayed at all… just that he relied on God. Not a bad thing to portray but maybe not the truthful moment. 

So the speaker then talked about how most art that is painted is “mantle worthy.” That art is made to show the glorious and romanticism so that good feelings are evoked. So the artist in the podcast took on a particular challenge of painting non-mantle pieces. That there is SO much “messy middle” (to quote Brene Brown) that we don’t see. That because we don’t see the messy middle, as humans, we get the notion that we should be experiencing the glorious big. But in reality 99% of the time, there is no BIG and clear, there is mess and muck and perseverance and struggle. 

While this was being talked about, I felt a very strong impression that I needed to create a place where there is not mantle worthy work. That I needed to show the real, the messy, the struggle. 

As I was making my bed yesterday (about the ONLY thing in life I am consistent with 99% of the time, promise), I was crying because I am SO tired of trying to reach goals I see others have set as successful marks and not reaching them.. That I am tired of not loving who I am already (inside and out) and always trying for more. “What a waste of my life” was my thought. I am tired of not being enough. I am tired of feeling like I have to be perfect to share me because then I am not sharing at all. 

My therapist told me the other month that I will never be enough. (It was a shock and kind of painful to hear actually). But he explained that because I am human, these flaws won’t ever go away, meaning I won’t ever be mantle worthy. So why am I trying to live in perfection? Ugh, so true and now I am working hard to shift that paradigm by questioning and being vulnerable. 

Do I really want to be placed on a mantle to gather dust and have all admire me? Honestly, sometimes the answer is yes. It seems like that would be a fantastic resting place and admiration feels good. Also, it is what our society consistently and bombarding shows as success. But most of the time, no I don’t want to be left on the mantle. I LOVE the struggle. I love being among and with others in it, not above or beyond. I love showing people that life is given to LIVE and grow and struggle, not to rest. Gotta fight that mentality we are so often portrayed and told about. 

So this is going to become the place, mixed with articles on how to create health of course, but I want to show how there is no arrival upon the mantle… for any of us.

This will be hard for me! This may be hard for you! I go through some pretty traumatic things with my mental illness. You are welcome to skip those posts, but someday you may come in contact with someone who needs to know they aren’t alone in the messy middle and you can point them to my mess and they can then know how to find the beauty in their own.


The podcast I was listening to is below. Please know that it is Christain based and shares religious views but can be wonderful for all to listen to.

#30 – Rewrite Your Thoughts

Looking for specific results in your life or getting results you aren’t satisfied with? You’ll definitely want to listen to this podcast. We are discussing the model from Brooke Castillo that I use in my coaching. It truly is the magic sauce to every problem or result you want to have. CTFAR for the WIN! Listen to learn more.

We talk about an emotion wheel during this cast. Click below to get the free download. Like I said in the podcast, I love to use this to decode what I am really feeling and I use it for my kids too!

Thank you for listening. Because of you, we keep this podcast up and running. We would love to know what you think about the podcast and you can share that with us below in the comments.

#16 – Questions & Answers

This is one of my favorite podcasts to do. I love when I get your questions and I am able to answer them because it makes me give you content that is directly relevant to you. And being here for you is what our business is all about.

Today we talk about –

  • What Adagio means
  • Help with food choices! I am not happy with my body and find myself eating a lot of fast food.
  • More help with food choices but when we have started exercising consistently

Three more things!

First, if you leave the podcast an iTunes review I will send you my 4 week workout plan for weights and cardio at home PERSONALIZED for you! – to make it easy, click here to link to us. Leave the podcast review and then shoot me an email at clarissa@adagiofit.com with a screenshot of your review and I will reply with the workouts!

Second, if you have questions or thoughts about any of these topics from today leave them below in the comments. I would truly love to hear from you.

Finally, in July we are hosting three online classes and you can still sign up for any of them. Click below for more information about our classes — PS – they are free until one week before class and are filled with freebies too so sign up today!