While working out today I listened to a podcast (what’s new) about art. The speaker was talking about how much art/visuals influence our lives and our perceptions about reality.
He talked about how that can be good or bad for us. But something particular struck me and then shifted my whole perspective on what he was saying. Hear me out and I will link below to the podcast if you want to listen to it.
He talked about how we portray events in art as our mind pictures them and not what really happened. That this can then distort others idea of what really happened. He specifically talks about President Washington praying in Heisman Trophy stance (you know what I am talking about) and how there isn’t really evidence that he even prayed at all… just that he relied on God. Not a bad thing to portray but maybe not the truthful moment.
So the speaker then talked about how most art that is painted is “mantle worthy.” That art is made to show the glorious and romanticism so that good feelings are evoked. So the artist in the podcast took on a particular challenge of painting non-mantle pieces. That there is SO much “messy middle” (to quote Brene Brown) that we don’t see. That because we don’t see the messy middle, as humans, we get the notion that we should be experiencing the glorious big. But in reality 99% of the time, there is no BIG and clear, there is mess and muck and perseverance and struggle.
While this was being talked about, I felt a very strong impression that I needed to create a place where there is not mantle worthy work. That I needed to show the real, the messy, the struggle.
As I was making my bed yesterday (about the ONLY thing in life I am consistent with 99% of the time, promise), I was crying because I am SO tired of trying to reach goals I see others have set as successful marks and not reaching them.. That I am tired of not loving who I am already (inside and out) and always trying for more. “What a waste of my life” was my thought. I am tired of not being enough. I am tired of feeling like I have to be perfect to share me because then I am not sharing at all.
My therapist told me the other month that I will never be enough. (It was a shock and kind of painful to hear actually). But he explained that because I am human, these flaws won’t ever go away, meaning I won’t ever be mantle worthy. So why am I trying to live in perfection? Ugh, so true and now I am working hard to shift that paradigm by questioning and being vulnerable.
Do I really want to be placed on a mantle to gather dust and have all admire me? Honestly, sometimes the answer is yes. It seems like that would be a fantastic resting place and admiration feels good. Also, it is what our society consistently and bombarding shows as success. But most of the time, no I don’t want to be left on the mantle. I LOVE the struggle. I love being among and with others in it, not above or beyond. I love showing people that life is given to LIVE and grow and struggle, not to rest. Gotta fight that mentality we are so often portrayed and told about.
So this is going to become the place, mixed with articles on how to create health of course, but I want to show how there is no arrival upon the mantle… for any of us.
This will be hard for me! This may be hard for you! I go through some pretty traumatic things with my mental illness. You are welcome to skip those posts, but someday you may come in contact with someone who needs to know they aren’t alone in the messy middle and you can point them to my mess and they can then know how to find the beauty in their own.
The podcast I was listening to is below. Please know that it is Christain based and shares religious views but can be wonderful for all to listen to.
On podcast #14 (which I thought I was on 13 so forgive me on that when you listen) I chat about medicine and supplementation for PMDD and Exercise. Did you know that all humans are deficient in quite a few nutrients? It makes sense with all the unnatural food we have on the market, rising levels of obesity and mental disorders, and chemicals on our ingredient lists that we cannot even pronounce. But we also don’t go outside as much as our ancestors and we sit for more than 80% of our days now too.
May is Mental Health Awareness month so today I am getting vulnerable with you as we talk about PMDD – Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder – a mental illness I was diagnosed with after 20 years of not knowing what was “wrong” with me. PMDD is a hormone-based mental illness that is an uncommon reaction to normal fluctuating hormones. It is not an imbalance of hormones nor is dictated by hormones, but a miscommunication within the brain, specifically the prefrontal cortex, that follows the luteal phase of a menstrual cycle – from ovulation until the period starts. Still such a new disorder with research coming out weekly! Only 2-8% of women experience PMDD and out of that percent only 3% of those have heavy and painful periods. I am that 3%.