Change talk and sustain talk are two important concepts in motivational interviewing. Change talk refers to statements that reveal motivation for or consideration of change, while sustain talk refers to statements that express a desire to stay the same.
Here are some examples of change talk:
“I want to lose weight.”
“I’m worried about my health.”
“I’ve been thinking about quitting smoking.”
“I’m ready to make a change.”
Here are some examples of sustain talk:
“I don’t think I can change.”
“I’m not sure if I’m ready to change.”
“I’m afraid of what will happen if I change.”
“I’m comfortable with the way things are.”
It’s important to recognize both change talk and sustain talk when working with clients who are considering making a change. By identifying and reinforcing change talk, you can help clients move towards making a positive change.
Here are some tips for identifying change talk:
Listen for statements that express a desire for change, reasons for change, or commitment to change.
Pay attention to the client’s body language and tone of voice.
Ask open-ended questions that encourage the client to talk about change.
There’s a quote that says it takes four weeks for you to see a difference, 8 weeks for close friends to see a difference, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to see a difference. This quote hones in on something that’s been on my mind.
About 150% of the time (no kidding) when I have a health coaching client who is doing really well they hit an interesting roadblock. The roadblock comes because when you make changes and others notice, others think that it is now their job to give you input about this change. Usually the input comes when we change because others become uncomfortable because they liked the old you or behaviors, or because they are curious towards your success and they want the same for themselves.
What usually happens with my clients though is that they do great until people start making comments and then, when people start making comments, it makes them uncomfortable and these clients have a revert to past behaviors to soothe this discomfort. So as a health coach, working with my female clients, we have to start learning how to be uncomfortable with other people being uncomfortable and voicing that discomfort.
I don’t know if you know about a tuning fork, but when you use a tuning fork on, let’s say, a rock and hit it, the tuning fork will play a vibration/note according to that rock. If you were to take a second tuning fork and hit another rock that second tuning fork would play the note of that second rock. Now this is where things get interesting. If both of those tuning forks are playing those notes/vibrations at the same time eventually the one tuning fork will change its note to match the other tuning fork. And then they will play together.
What does this have to do with health?
When you make changes in your health you are changing your vibration. It may have been low but you have raised it with new habits and applied knowledge. You could have lost 10 pounds or are cleaning up your diet. You could have been going to the gym when you used to be very sedentary. When you hold that vibration long enough other people will notice that your vibration is different.
Everybody else in the world also holds a vibration. You could also call it a vibe or energy. When two vibrations meet and they are not on the same note, one vibration will need to change to meet the other in order to soothe the dissonance.
So the question is, who is going to change their vibration? And the second question is, how long can one hold out for the other to change?
It is a lot easier for those who are trying out a new vibration in life like becoming more healthy to drop down into their previous vibration. An example of this could be when a mom goes to wake up their kids in the morning. The mom’s happy to see her kids but her kids wake up ornery. She has tried to change her vibration by being happy but their vibration is low. So what happens? The mom drops her vibration to the kids’ vibration and starts yelling at them instead to get out of bed.
So what would have happened if the mom would have kept up her vibration? Well after a certain couple of minutes when the kids have really woken up they will probably raise their vibration to be happy and then they will continue on their morning in a happy positive way.
Here are some personal examples, because these vibration dissonances are happening all the time in our lives:
When I started my health journey I started having a protein shake everyday. My husband gave me a hard time at first saying how gross it looked, and continued in his own vibration of old habits. I held onto my new habit, and about five years later, he had a protein shake.He’s had one almost every day since.
On the flip side of that I was trying to level up my eating game this past year and went on a family vacation with my extended family. When we got to our destination together, the first meal that was offered was not something that was on my meal plan. I was so tired and worn out from traveling, and even though I knew it wasn’t on plan. I ate that meal. It caused a domino effect. The whole trip ended up with me moving back to expected vibrations because I was weak and dropped mine one time. That’s all it took. One time. I dropped my vibration down to what it used to be in many ways besides just my meal plan – from moods, to comments, to birth order roles and expectations. I’m sure you can relate to this. I am not proud of that vacation this past year.
Even after a couple of months since the trip, I don’t look at that vacation very fondly. I wasn’t true to myself and I didn’t keep promises to myself. I also didn’t hold off long enough for my family to raise their vibration because I was scared of what they would think of me or the comments that they would make.
I didn’t remember, but I want you to remember that when others comment about you, it is a direct reflection of them, not you. It is their noticing your vibration has changed and they feel that dissonance. It is their way of trying to regain control of the feelings they are having.
When you get to that point in your health journey of people making comments, be it family, friends, neighbors, etc, check into your vibration. Ask yourself if you would like to drop your vibration back down to where others will feel comfortable and your habits were the ones that didn’t get you to a good place, or would you like to keep your new vibration long enough for others to meet your vibration and for you to continue to feel proud of the work you’ve done?
That is what you are in control of. Hold that vibration.
What are ways to keep that vibration strong?
Honestly, I see the greatest strength come in numbers. Accountability with friends or a coach like me is a great way to hold strong. I meet with my clients to coach once a week and then also have check-ins. But my clients can text me anytime if it is an emergency. That is part of why you need a coach. That cheerleader and coach rooting you on and keeping your high vibration with you. Friends or other family can also do this for you, but tend to also be emotionally bias, so beware of that.
Second is to be honest with those around you. Don’t skirt about the issue. It isn’t their cooking! And even if it was, you are working with your body and mind to level up. When we state out loud what we are working on, we gain strength from new places. It is empowering.
Third, feel free to take some time. Sometimes I need to excuse myself to the bathroom to take a quick minute to check my intentions and habits. You could retreat to your room and do some breathing exercises. Putting space between the action and reaction is helpful. This time also helps you stay present and mindful.
As we head into holidays there will be lots of people who have worked really hard to change their vibration. They have new habits and new lifestyles and maybe a new shape that they are taking back to old energies. Does the term “falling off the bandwagon” ring a bell? That is losing your new vibration and dropping down to expected old ones.
If you really don’t want to come out of the holidays like that, consider setting up a free consultation with me and see if we are a good fit to coach together. I want health for you in body + mind. I am ready for you to take on this new vibration and can be that strength you need as you learn a new lifestyle and go through the learning process 🙂
Fill out the form linked below to get the coaching ball rolling. Those holidays are barreling in fast.
In my personal life I have been studying a lot about loss. In the next couple months I have some big changes coming up in my life as I have known it. I have felt such angst and stress about choosing these changes and implementing them that they have caused a lack of sleep and an inability to function well as a mother and coach.
For one thing, these future changes are my choice instead of something that is forced and two, I have never really done well with change. whenever we would go on an extended break or Holiday from school like Christmas, the first week back of school I would always get sick. This happened a lot in college. When the semesters changed and my routine needed to change, my body would get some sort of cold or flu, and I’d be down for the count and miss days of school. Even though I’m not in school now, whenever there are big changes or big events in my life or family life, I ramp up to them and then afterwards I get sick either mentally or physically.
On a side note, doesn’t this example show that our mental state can affect our physical state. More to come on those thoughts in an article soon.
So with me loving routine these changes have been ridiculously difficult to fathom and make. Therefore I have taken it to some of the doctors that I work with to talk to them about which changes and how much change I need to be able to heal and balance that with keeping myself mentally happy. I love where I’m at right now, but I recognize that some change is good and change will allow me to grow but also heal some health issues I am experiencing.
As I have talked with professionals about these changes my therapist brought to light a syndrome that we want to call the Tom Brady syndrome. It’s something I want to share with you today because it rang so true and felt was easily relatable.
training the mind
I’m going to assume that you know who Tom Brady is and if you don’t go and Google him. In a very short sentence he, being an amazing football player, retired from football and after a short time unretired from football and went back into the game.
As a top football player and a high-performance achiever I can only understand why he went back to football. He loves the dopamine rush and the 100% for filament that he gets from winning a game and being the top performer in his industry and Sport. One can only understand that retiring from that was a severe loss for him and probably caused mental sadness and emotions that he wasn’t used to having because he was so used to all the good emotions that he experienced while playing football and winning.
Interestingly enough, what has happened since he has gone back to the game are also interesting losses. his wife and he have gotten a divorce. His wife was his biggest fan and was a key contributor to his success as a football player. For example, she monitored every little bit of food that went into his mouth so that he was fueled properly and also was in charge of making sure he had boundaries so he could recover.Something else that has happened since coming back to the game, he’s losing.
So I want to discuss 3 points about the Tom Brady syndrome that you can see in what Tom Brady is going through right now.
The Tank
The first point is called the tank. The tank is where a professional is at the top of their career and due to age, injury, circumstances or other professionals coming into the same industry, etc, this professional starts to tank in their success rate and is not at the top of their game or career anymore.
With Tom Brady coming back out of retirement and losing all of these games is showing that he is starting to tank.
So the question for you is: should Tom Brady finish his career of football at the high or should he continue in football as he tanks and finish at a low? What do you think that would do to his mental health as well as the story that people will tell about him for years to come?
The next question there would be where are you at and your career? Do you think you have reached your Peak do you think you still have room to grow or do you think you are in the tank?
I have noticed in my personal Journey that due to the injuries and health problems I’m experiencing, I am in the tank. I have not been able to give what I used to be able to give and it has been discouraging and sad. I appreciated the advice that I received to not tank fully and exit at the low but to exit at the high.Honestly I think when we exit at a high we can look back with fond memories and there is closure.
The Acceptance
The second point is called acceptance. The acceptance is the concept that after we leave or turn away from our original trajectory and goal we might experience loss in the manner that whatever we do instead might not be as fulfilling as the thing we did first.
For Tom Brady, he probably should go out and buy a football team. That’s the closest thing that he could do to recreate the happiness that he experienced as the football player. However he probably will only be able to receive 90% of his fulfillment back compared to the 100% that he might have gotten as a player himself. That is part of loss.
It is good for us to recognize that in Los we may not be able to get back to the hundred percent fulfillment that we had. Very rarely will somebody experience something that is better than what they were originally doing when they were at the top of their game.
If you are aware of this you would be grasping for straws and probably looking outside of yourself for inner peace. Just like Tom Brady coming back out of retirement. He probably couldn’t find something that would fulfill him just as much as playing football did and he didn’t know how to handle that and sit with that. Then he has the consequence of losing his wife now because he chose to come back out of retirement and that is not what she wanted or was told would happen.
For me, I don’t know what is coming next after my changes but I do appreciate this concept. I used to dance ballroom at BYU and competed professionally and was doing very well. I stopped dancing because my body could not get pregnant due to how much physical work I was putting in to dance every day. When I stopped I experienced a severe depression for a long time. For years I couldn’t even watch the progress of my fellow dancers because I knew where I “should have been” in the dance world. I don’t think anything I have done in the dance realm since has been as fulfilling as being a competitor on the dance floor and winning. It still hurts 13 years later and now having an understanding that fulfillment might not reach capacity has helped me release the pain because of those expectations being replaced with acceptance.
The Vacuum
The final concept of the Tom Brady syndrome is the vacuum. And on a side note, I’m grateful for spell check, because I still don’t know how to spell vacuum without help. LOL.
The vacuum is where when you take something out of your life it will put a force into the universe that will pull something new into that empty space.
Tom Brady had a really big empty space because he had a very big, successful, Limelight career. Again oh, he didn’t have the tools nor the patience to wait for something else to come along to fill that space.
Along with that I feel like if we understand that there will be a vacuum we can be looking for opportunities and we can recognize that some opportunities will be good ones and some will be bad ones or destructive ones that will not help us.
When covid shut my job down as a group fitness instructor there was a big loss there. I was tumbled into this space that created a vacuum and needed to be filled. Some of the things that filled that space were good and I’ll talk about those in a second, but some of them were not so good. I didn’t eat well. I lost a lot of my discipline and my hope for the future. In fact, I think that I am still recovering from what that vacuum brought to me and what I chose. Now like I said, some of those opportunities were good ones. I ended up taking clients virtually during covid and really laid a good foundation to be a personal trainer and nutrition coach online. if it weren’t for covid and that loss I would not have had that space replaced.
Right now I don’t know what is going to fill the space from the loss that I am going to incur in the next couple of months. I was feeling anxious about that. There are a lot of what-ifs. But I am finding that because of the awareness that there is a vacuum I am handling the unknown a lot better. In fact, there’s a part of me that is really looking forward to what might open up for me in opportunities that are constructive and helpful to me and the next season of My Life.
So finishing up, let’s review the Tom Brady syndrome. The Tom Brady syndrome has three main facets. The first facet is the tank, the second is the acceptance, And the third is the vacuum.
Maybe you can look back on a couple of your losses and think about these three aspects. Then, being aware of these three aspects when you go into a new loss, which will happen because we are all mortal and human, maybe, because you have awareness of them you will be able to more gracefully and strongly handle your next loss in a way that will help you come out of that more refined and better.
At least that is my hope because I am seeing that work in my own life.
I once saw a thriller movie and at one point in a scene, there was blood oozing under the door frame into the closet where the actor was hiding. The actor had no idea what was going on until there was so much blood, he was 4-5 inches deep and it was “too late” for him. He succumbed to the monster with a blood curdling scream. I always wondered why that scene stuck with me… until it made a lot of sense for me today.
That’s what I start feeling around day 20-22 in my PMDD cycle. Everything is going wonderfully up until that point. In fact, yesterday I was just thinking how much energy and drive I had and how I could keep up with my goals for sure! I would smash my PMDD out of the water and win this month. I just knew it.
But today I noticed the muck leaching under the closet door.
It came in a way of noticing my bloated belly and my 4 lb weight gain overnight. How could I possibly send that to my coach?!
It came when I just couldn’t get the seam on my sock to sit right in my shoe or the drawstring on my pants kept loosening. I didn’t hate those pants last week, they were my uniform and now I can’t wait to get rid of them.
It leached more when I looked at my calendar and had dread of this coming weekend. Too many social events and planned things I need to “show up” for… panic, sweat, heat… how do I cancel these? Too much going on.
It came in more when I realized that my whole house was SO dirty and I am the ONLY one who seems to care. The load of work gets heavier and I notice everything wrong.
It leached when one hand on my back from my husband sent so much electric energy into my body I was awake for another hour trying to calm back down. OVer stimulation of simple things.
It rose with foggy mind issues, frustration of my hair today, feeling SO gross that I haven’t had time to shower and shave since Saturday and the hairs are catching on my leggings. In my workout where I couldn’t even look myself in the eyes I was that disgusted with who I am.
And with all these things I think, “That’s just weird. I know those thoughts and feelings aren’t who I am. I wonder what is going on?”
After a certain point in my day, it hits me. Every time, it hits like a bus. PMDD is here again. And I sorrow. I ache. I mourn.
For the life I am losing. For the pain I will cause. For another month, another round, another destroyer coming though of all that I had tried to build the past two weeks.
And I am tempted to just sit in the muck and let the monster take me too.
***We do not claim to be a doctor or anything of the like. This document is for educational and journaling purposes only. Any action taken by the reader is their sole responsibility and should be done with discretion. No claim can be made against Adagio FIT or its employees. If you ever have any questions, take them to your primary care doctor.***
Looking for specific results in your life or getting results you aren’t satisfied with? You’ll definitely want to listen to this podcast. We are discussing the model from Brooke Castillo that I use in my coaching. It truly is the magic sauce to every problem or result you want to have. CTFAR for the WIN! Listen to learn more.
We talk about an emotion wheel during this cast. Click below to get the free download. Like I said in the podcast, I love to use this to decode what I am really feeling and I use it for my kids too!
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Along with the last episode we add another tool for you to help create and live a life you love. Today we are talking about fence posts. Want to know how this all ties in? Give it a listen below.
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We ask the questions, what are you choosing to see or unsee? Is it what you’d like to see in your life? Do you see lots of negative in your life? Did you know the good stuff is already there and you can easily see it with a simple shift in your gaze? We teach you how on today’s podcast.
We are diving into our focus with a great football test my girls and I saw on a show the other night. A good example of it can be found by clicking here. Our brain is extremely smart and will only see what is important. It is wired to forget or unsee what isn’t. The best part? You get to choose what you want to see!
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On today’s podcast, I am giving you a look at a class we teach in our online mind + body training courses. It is on the abundance mindset. We truly create our reality by the thoughts and words we use and creating a sense of abundance or that abundance mindset will help us be happy and healthier!
If you love this insight into our classes, you can learn about the courses we offer with the link below. We have individual coaching and group coaching sessions happening.
In the podcast today we are talking all about urges and cravings. What does it take to make a craving and answer a craving – the science of our brains is amazing. We also chat about tools we can use to rewire our brains to answer our cravings differently using the PAZ technique.
After you listen, leave us some feedback right below here in our show notes! We’d love to start a conversation. Also, I mentioned in the podcast about a free mini session… those sign ups are in the link below!
The podcast is all how to plan in order to create and intentional, well lived life. Granted a lot of experiences and adventures come from unplanned circumstances, but what we can control and plan for will lead us to a life well lived, happiness, accomplishment, and freedom within our circumstances. Yes, when you plan out your time well, you will have the freedom to pursue and do more.
We are taking a top down approach looking at the following –
Personal life mission statements
Yearly Goals
Monthly Goals
Weekly Goals
and how to plan out and pursue all of the above while living with your “fixed” to dos.
If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
After you listen, leave us some feedback right below here in our show notes! We’d love to start a conversation. Also, I mentioned in the podcast about a FREE mini session… those sign ups are in the link below! We coach in relation to nutrition, exercise, and mental health. This is a great way to “date” your coach to see if you will be a great fit.
